24 JAN 25

hydro hydro on January 24, 2025

0741 hours

I think I’m figuring out why I need to abstain from my consumption of cannabis; I have an insatiable appetite for it. When I allow myself to consume it, I have a very difficult time controlling my intake of it. I can’t follow my own self-imposing limitations and that feels out of control. I want to be able to limit it to once a week but that’s impossible for me when I have some available to consume. One hundred percent of the time I have some on me, I will consume it twice daily. That’s the definition of losing control. It also replaces everything I look forward to in a day. These two reasons should be enough for me but I have more. I know at this point that the feeling doesn’t last and I’ll need to go back to it again to feel its effects. This impermanence is a sure sign of its shortcomings.

I already hear the rationalizing taking place.

“But Correy, you need to keep going back to God to partake in His glory.”

While that may be correct, I would rather become a slave to God than a slave to a feeling that can never be fully satiated.

Recently, I sat with God for a while and submitted this habit of mine for Him to deal with because I’ve recognized that I can’t do this on my own. Within the same hour of this request, I began making preparations to convert my existing stash to edible form. It seems God does not want me smoking it and I completely understand that. This body is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit.

I went and bought more cannabis the next day to make a decent dose for each edible in addition to a lot of baking equipment. The idea that kept popping into my mind that day was, “You can share this with your family and finally put an end to the division.” If one thing is for certain it’s that I am most definitely not a weed dealer. I’ve tried so many times and I have to be the worlds worst. My efforts to sell it look like someone trying to catch water on fire with a flamethrower. Also, I feel a lot of conviction when I think about exposing my family to this substance. My dad already has substance issues, my mom would benefit from it but she bends the knee to fear and will not even allow herself the cognitive space to entertain the idea of consuming it and my sisters are pregnant so they will definitely not consume it. My brothers in law might but I’m not very close with them nor do I know their numbers to reach them.

I halfheartedly wanted to visit my parents to gift them some of it but I believe the Holy Spirit is preventing me from doing that. I can make the offer but I believe I know how that will go. A big “NO!” is what I’ll be met with more than likely.

I’ll be gifting what I have to people this weekend, assuming any will be left. The doses are made with an insane amount of butter and sugar so it’s still not good for the body. Instead of getting high, I could be working out and further developing myself.

It seems I may be having to part ways with the substance for good. It’s something I need to start accepting, I can’t go on with this forever. I’m unsure if I can even make exceptions for it because that’s where the cracks that turn into holes begin. If I make one exception, the goalpost is always shifted. I could say, “I’ll only do it when I’ve provided as a successful guide in the mountains.” Well that will manifest as a different problem. I’ll focus less on delivering the service to my client and more on what I’m getting out of it.

And that right there is the problem. It causes me to focus on what I can get out of any given experience instead of what I can bring to the table.

2044 hours

And this is what happens. No matter what time I get home, I’m left beginning the work I set out to do at this time of night. Shortly after writing this, I’ll have to get ready for bed. Granted, I made dinner, read some emails, but beyond that I haven’t done much else. Definitely got caught doom scrolling.

I need to update the front page. I think the first question, “Are you willing to expose yourself to life threatening situations?” – while completely valid and an important thing to consider – is not the best first impression. It might be best to let people experience it on their own instead of making them aware of it at the beginning. Although, I feel like withholding this key point is manipulative and I think it’s important for people to understand because without it, the experience itself could turn out to be a negative one because expectations weren’t set properly from the beginning. That’s my biggest concern. So while it is upsetting upon first glance, it’s something to know and consider when thinking about doing theses sorts of trips.

I just got up and ate my fourth edible for the night. I think it’s clear I have a problem and I need to address it. I do need to give praise that I was able to cut smoking out. It’s been over five days since I last inhaled any carcinogenic material.

Back to updating things.

23 JAN 25

hydro hydro on January 23, 2025

This is the first post I’ve made where I’m writing directly within the site instead of putting it in my phone’s notes and pasting it here. I have so many notes in multiple devices I no longer have access to. One of them refuses to turn on and this is the one with a lot of content. The device I had before my last one goes back almost a decade so I know a lot is on that one. I’ve written so much in my life. Volumes of work lost to the rapid rate of entropy modern technology suffers. This highlights a major concern of mine about the direction humanity is going into the future. We’re putting all our eggs into one basket – that basket is our reliance on the digital medium for the exchange of information. Shifting our methods of discourse and social interaction that forces a dependency on centralized infrastructure that supports its operation.

This infrastructure is not only insanely taxing on resources, it’s immensely unstable and frail. To make our bed in such an environment risks the atrophying of our sociability. I’ve reached a state where I would rather be alone than to be with other people. It’s difficult to discern the primary source of this state I’m in. Is it the changing landscape of our methods of interaction or is it my circumstances due to the experience of life I’ve had thus far. It’s likely a miserable combination of the two. Yet, I should recognize this as an opportunity to practice making my way to the Most High God amidst this awkward transformation in my life, one where I’m growing out of the desire for constant social interaction. It’s probably not a healthy trajectory but it’s the one I’m on. This is giving me plenty of time to really flesh out who I am and the value I can add to people’s lives. I have several areas of interest that I focus on:

  1. A relationship with my God
  2. Brand Management and Business Development
  3. Writing
  4. Photography
  5. Music Production
  6. Film making
  7. Skateboarding
  8. Cooking
  9. Fitness
  10. Journalism

On top of these I like to keep up with current events, keeping up with family, friends, and have time to keep up with basic life tasks. Notice that nowhere did I mention money management and my bank account really shows this. It doesn’t really make sense to include this in an area of focus since I’m not really making enough money to manage anything because it stays coming in and going right back out. This is why I’m writing here today. It’s why I made a list of what I focus on so that I can have some semblance of structure in my life. These are my genuine areas of focus in life and are areas I would like to use in order to supply value.

I’ve experienced a lot in life and I’m ready to share it with others. My exposure to Scripture and, while I still have mountains of insight to gain from studying it more, the amount of time I’ve spent in the Word gives me a vantage point that can benefit others in their own personal walk with the Supreme Deity. It’s something I actively focus on daily and has become my treasure. Following after the King of Heaven, obeying His commands and worshiping Him are things I do my best to incorporate in every moment. Being as close to Him as possible is where I like to be. Sharing this road to peace with others is the primary focus of my life. When I see an opportunity for fellowship with a brother or sister I take it immediately. The way I like to share the Gospel is through my action. Letting the light of Christ shine through me so that all may see God’s glory.

The primary service I want to provide to people is guiding them through epic journeys in the wilderness. The importance of maintaining our connection to nature is the highest it has ever been. In a world where the only reality people have ever known is the assembly line human capital factory system created by the military-industrial complex, a step into the most natural and mildly hostile environment can help realign our whole being in a way that few other physical experiences can match. Having the capability to navigate this type of terrain is a skill that can save lives in treacherous times.

My struggle isn’t with the development of the service, it’s with the delivery of it. But before I can deliver the service I need to have a place for people to place orders. This is the site where that will happen. It’s been a long, painful approach to get to this point but that’s just a natural consequence of being refined. I began bringing this site live back in October to begin my effort of delivering this service. I’ve been battling depression in the face of very tumultuous trials all while slowly but surely getting here to this very moment. So you might be wondering, what does this service entail?

Foundation

Offering three free classes per month:
1. Map and Compass Basics
2. Pace and Speed Measurement
3. Wilderness Survival

Virtual Package

Getting the lifestyle change minus the mountains
1. Foundation
2. Personalized Fitness Plan
3. Meal Plans

Basic Package

Getting out there (can include no more than a Class 2 Summit)
1. Virtual Package
2. Personalized Trip Plan
3. In Person Training Sessions

Advanced Package

Everything the Basic Package provides but preparing for longer and higher hikes that include hut trips

05NOV24

hydro hydro on November 5, 2024

It’s 10:37 PM on election day 2024. Nothing seems to have changed; last I saw Trump was ahead. No violent outbreaks. No shortages. People still went to work. People still came home and did chores with what little time they had.

I’m going to sleep early so I can get more rest. I’m recovering from some type of sinus infection. I took off of work this past Sunday so that I could get more rest. I was able to be quite productive, even though I was feeling under the weather. Gave birth to a new idea, knocked out a few items on my to do list, I cleaned up a little bit, did some laundry and I even got out there and voted. Hooray. I didn’t get to do what I wanted to do which ride my skateboard. Oh well, I guess that’s how life goes.

I didn’t end up meeting with the electrician that I had lined up to meet with on a count of my health status. I also don’t want to commit to a situation that has me driving to Dripping Springs every day. That’s nearly an hour long drive so it’s two hours every day commuting back-and-forth, I’m sure I can find something closer.

I need to find something closer, this job is not what I’m here to do. But I’m grateful for it. 

However, moving forward, I will make it a point to focus on myself and not get caught up and what’s going on around me. My core is weakening, so I need to work out more. I need to focus more on generating value, building a brand. So I guess what I need to meditate on is this: in what ways do I add value to the world around me?

Maybe this job is meant for me after all. Maybe I am a promoter. 

***

2248 hrs